Monday, September 24, 2012

Like Glass, 2013

Resar, fall, 2013
Verde is 26, Lainey is 26, Esperanza is 1 (Carmela is 53 and Serendipity is 17)
“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting them back together.”

Verde thought about his wife tending to their daughter. He smiled recalling  the scene that was depicted so often on the television, yet his smile felt forced. It wasn't that he didn't love his daughter, she was his heart and he would gladly lay down his life for her. It wasn't that he didn't love his wife, how could he not love her, it was as if she were created just for him. However sometimes he wondered if it should be so hard. Shouldn't it be natural to stay faithfully devoted to her. He didn't cheat, at least not physically, but sometimes his mind would wander to the past and his choices. Sometimes he would think about the other woman who had stolen his heart.

"You have to keep moving forward, don't look back. When you’re holding onto something, you’re less open to giving and receiving anything else. That includes the love that is already surrounding you." His uncle, Jorge, said.

Jorge knew from experience and he was merely repeating the words his twin brother, Julio, had shared with him as he struggled with the guilt over losing his daughter. Verde enjoyed their talks, since he knew that whenever his thoughts would turn to S'Ahmisa, he could go upstairs and get his uncle Jorge and he would talk with him.

Jorge shared how just because something didn't feel natural or was a struggle didn't mean that it wasn't worth pursuing. For him, it would be much easier to pick up his drinking habit again. It was a natural inclination after rough nights when Grace Elise would haunt his dreams or rough days when he felt everyone was walking on eggshells around him, afraid to even ask about his children. It was something he had to try hard at, the not passing by his favorite bar, or stopping to pick up a six pack and finishing it in the parking lot. It still wasn't natural and he didn't know if it would ever become natural to not crave the taste. Until then, he was going to his meetings, being honest with his wife about his struggles and taking it one simday at a time and sometimes one minute at a time.

Verde wondered if he would have to do the same with S'Ahmisa. He really wanted to make things work with Lainey, to show her that he was in love with her and willing to do what it took to be with her and his family, even if it did hurt him. Even if some days it seemed forced and fake and like he was trying too hard. Unfortunately he couldn't have the same support as his uncle. There were no support meetings for getting over a past lover, there wasn't a chance in hell that he would share his struggles with his wife, that would only make her feel more insecure and doubt his love. He could only do what he could, which was to avoid dialing her number, to not answer the phone the few times she called to chat with Lainey, to leave the house on the rare occasions she came to spend time with Esperanza and Lainey.

He knew that Lainey and S'Ahmisa knew of his struggle. He knew when Lainey would look at him as he silently passed the ringing phone to her because S'Ahmisa's number was flashing on the screen. He could see the hurt passing across her eyes before she grabbed the phone. He hated not being strong enough, but he hoped that she understood that he was struggling for her, for their family and to perserve what they had so carefully built. Some days he felt that she wanted more, more than he could give her. She deserved the romance, she deserved a husband that didn't struggle with his past, but he wasn't at that point yet.

He thought about the changes in the last simyear, before S'Ahmisa moved to Kimikura. He knew that S'Ahmisa would send Ming to the door to help Lainey get her things to meet the rest of the group on the sidewalk. He noticed  the way S'Ahmisa avoided talking to him unless Lainey was in the room, or how she would stay close to Rashid or Ming when they were out in public. He appreciated S'Ahmisa's support and sensitivity, but he did miss chatting with his friend. However, his uncle Jorge would talk about the importance of boundaries and he knew that for now, this was wise...even if it did make him look weak.

"Each day it will get a little better, and hurt a little less." Jorge said, almost to himself.

Verde nodded, his uncle was right. It hurt a lot less than it did a simyear ago, or three simlonic months ago and some simdays he could see the light at the end of the tunnel to the day when he had completely let go of S'Ahmisa and what might have been. Until then he would practice fully embracing his present and his life with Lainey and Esperanza that he wasn't willing to lose. Until then, he would take it one step at a time.

Part of that meant that the family moved to a larger home. In addition to his family, Verde's mother and sister moved in as well, which made affording the home a little easier. 

It wouldn't be that crowded for long as Serendipity would be graduating in a few simlonic months. She had been discussing moving to Kulo Seeri after graduation. It was a strange little hood, in Verde's opinion, but he could see why his sister was drawn to it. From her descriptions it seemed like it was a different sort of life with a small village and close community. It was something that his sister loved, a simple life. He was sure she would do fine, but he worried nevertheless.
They have moved into one of my Cottersome Gardens Townhomes.

Here's a peek at Esperanza, poor kitty.

Serendipity has made plans to move to Kulo Seeri after graduation. 


  1. Esperanza is too, too cute.

    S'Ahmisa really did a number on Verde, didn't she? Still hung up on her after all this time. Jorge is a wise man - that was some good advice he gave his nephew.

    I wonder what it will really take for Verde to finally move past all these thoughts he has of S'Ahmisa. Maybe it's a "fake it till you make it" kind of thing.

    1. She was his first love the one he thought he would grow old with. He's almost there, but the last miles of the race always seem the hardest. Thanks for reading and commenting.

  2. Tell Verde thanks for the compliment. :) He definitely needs to keep listening to Jorge's advice. It's never a good idea to look back and think "what if?" too much, and Verde needs to move past that - he does have a family now after all, and he obviously cares a lot about Lainey and Esperanza.

    By the way, Esperanza is adorable! Not sure if the kitten agrees though. :P It looks terrified in that first pic!

    1. Jorge and Verde are on very similar paths of moving on, appreciating the past but not living in it and letting it hinder them. Thanks for commenting and reading.

  3. I hope Jorge can finally let go and move forward. It's good that he has Verde to talk to this kind of stuff.

    1. Yes, they are very close. Thank you for reading and commenting

  4. Jorge offered great advice to his nephew.He's wise and seems like a good person for Verde to lean on.I like how Jorge reflected on his own personal battle with alcohol, which isn't a problem for his nephew, but is similar in that he was given into something that he should let go.I don't what is about S'Ahmisa, but she definitely has a lasting effect on the guys she's been involved with.I definitely think it's easier to be said than actually done, to let someone go, but it may help if he keeps focusing on the wife and child he has now.Definitely focusing on what he has now in his life rather than what he had or could have, hopefully could help provide some relief.

    1. Yea, S'Ahmisa is just that kind of woman that's unforgettable :) thanks for commenting and reading

  5. Poor Verde, he's really struggling isn't he? Esperanza is darling! I hope that he's able to not have to work so hard for Lainey and Esperanza, and focus on them without wondering about S'Ahmisa. Sad that he sort of rushed into this next stage, and is still hung up on the past. I like Jorge's advice, and hope that Verde will be able to follow through with it, and find results.

    1. I hope so too, Verde is being a bit hard on himself with how he thinks things are "supposed" to be. Thanks for reading and commenting


Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment! :)

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