Days Are Gone, 2019

Optional Soundtrack: Days Are Gone-HAIM

Ashlee, or Lee as she preferred to be called now, sat on the ground and took another long drag of the cigarette.

Some nights the temptation was too strong, the dreams were too real and the demons clawed at her legs desperate to drag her down. She would sneak outside to smoke. It was such a small vice, compared to her past indulgences. 

The pills, the bubbles, the needles, the thin lines of powder, the blunts full of who knows what, all chased down with bottles and bottles and more bottles of burning liquid. Until that day.

And I got back up

When I lost control over it all, over it all

And I knew that I couldn´t take no more

Sometimes the past didn't want to let her go, so she would count the stars, reminding the demons.

All the times I´ve said it

All the times I´ve said it before

Those days are gone

She would inhale slowly, savoring the burnt flavor on her tongue and exhale clouds into the cool nights. 

She would trace her numerous tattoos and remind herself of the small victories, the crazy times and even the regrets that each ink or cover up meant to her.

Sometimes I wish I didn´t miss you at all

Those days are gone

Holding on, holding on, holding on

Those days are gone

And now I´m waiting for the day to dawn

Those days are gone

Occasionally her papi would join her wordlessly. She would pass the pack over to him and he would silently take one, light it and sit next to her. She would notice that he too would trace his tattoos, ripe in meaning for him as well. 

She never noticed that when she was younger, but now...things were so very different. They would talk about their temptations and the holds of the past. How horrible it was.

I gave it all, I gave you my all

You only took one side

When all my hopes ran dry

Together they would talk about the future

I´m moving on

You can have my past, I´ll never get that back

I´m moving on, ´cause those days are gone

until Lee felt better. 

Her papi would take her into his arms and repeat the same words he said every time. "I'm glad you're home."

Tonight was different, tonight she actually responded. "I'm sorry for leaving. I made such a mess of everything. Esther won't even talk to me. I don't even know Amyra and Chase and-"

He cut her off. "That's in the past, those days are gone."