Thursday, July 21, 2011

Better Without It, 2009

Havar, fall, 2009
Sazo is 50, Sandy is 47, Si’Enya is 17. Trevor Yates is 27
There were perks to being related to the hood council president, but they were not that different from the perks associated with being a trust fund baby, Si'Enya thought as she climbed into bed.
S'Ahmisa had come over one day to the old apartment and mentioned that the hood council had approved for the construction of a luxury apartment building, Kenwood Place.
"You can pick your unit first," S'Ahmisa offered.
Of course, their parents had agreed to the move rather quickly. It was a bit larger than their current place, and had amazing views of both the sea and the metro.
They didn't ask her if she wanted to move, Si'Enya thought. It wouldn't have mattered much, she didn't do too much. She occasionally cooked dinner,
or studied for her skill exams.
In the new apartment, she would listen to her mother play video games,
or attempt the perfect bowl of mac and cheese.
Sometimes she would use the big telescope to see how far across the island she could see, however she had stopped hunting for bugs or teasing her fish. It just wasn't the same anymore. Even S'Ahmisa had noticed the difference in her and she had spilled her guts out to her big sister one evening.
S'Ahmisa was the only one to know about her big crush on Trevor and her growing feelings for Erricson. He was going to university later that fall and they had already agreed to see other people...well, he assumed that they would continue to see other people and she didn't have the heart to tell him that he was the only one she was seeing. She supposed that he was being nice, as according to Elphy, one date did not a boyfriend make.
Trevor knew of course, they still talked almost every other night. He would entertain her with stories of their tour and the bands that they encountered. He even sent her a recording of one band that he was particularly interested in, Mellow Metal. She listened to their tape since he gave it to her, but it wasn't quite her thing. She did miss him and his quiet nature and how they would search the land for the missing spider or stare at the clouds and make imaginary shapes from them. She missed their midnight smustle parties and fridge raids, standing in the kitchen, the cold air from the open fridge tickling her toes as they ate ice cream from the carton.
S'Ahmisa was the one to suggest the new hairstyle after they had emptied the bottle of nectar and finished the kimikurian noodles. "I'm not saying that it will make you feel better, but perhaps it will bring a little bit of happiness."
She was right, something about removing the tiny braids and wearing her hair loose and wavy did make her happy. It didn't solve her unrequited crush on Trevor, nor the pain of breaking up with what she considered her first boyfriend, but it was now clear that they were not even an item.
She wanted what her parents had, she wanted a man like her father. He knew how to cheer her up with some good old fashioned barbecue.
"Look, ladybug, this is how you braise the meat before placing it on the grill," he taught her patiently, allowing her to sneak bites off the hot ribs before her mother came to the roof.
She had ate quickly that night and sat in a corner of the rooftop, pretending to stare at the stars, but really just listening to them talk about nothing and everything. She loved listening to her mother's musical voice as she made plans for her father's 50th birthday celebration and how her father's deep voice made her belly rumble with the vibrations.
She loved how easy and comfortable their love seemed, which was very much unlike all the feelings she was experiencing.
She didn't like how her stomach was upset and twisting in knots every time she saw Erricson, knowing that she allowed her feelings to move to fast. She didn't like crying at night, wishing that Trevor was close so they could walk to the lake and watch the fish swim about. In a way she wished that she was a little bit bolder, like S'Ahmisa, and could fly out to meet Trevor while on tour and confess her feelings for him. But she was scared, what would happen to their friendship if she told him? Besides, she was just a little girl compared to him and she was sure that his bed was filled every night with groupies, though he claimed it wasn't.
Perhaps romance wasn't all that it appeared to be, perhaps...perhaps she was better without it.


  1. Aw. It makes sense that a girl who is as reserved as Si'Enya would look at the easy relationship her parents have and wish for her own drama-free existence! But who isn't in emotional turmoil when they're 17? It's just something we all have to go through. Si'Enya will figure out what's right for her eventually.

  2. Poor Si'Enya, I always have a soft spot for her, I hope that in time she will find someone, and in the mean time, just enjoying being herself, and doing things she enjoys. Sure, teasing fish isn't what it used to be, but there are other things in the world to try. And someday, when she's older, she may find that great relationship she desires. I'd hate to see her settle for someone less in the meantime just because she's so anxious for the finish line.

  3. Carla, Si'Enya is most definately not a fan of drama, her parents might have started unconventionally, but they are a pretty stable couple. I think it's a bit hard for her to be in her sister's shadow all the time, but then again, if it wasn't that, it'd be something else to torment her teen years.

    Maisie, Si'Enya is growing on me as well, for a while her older sister was taking the spotlight, but now she's growing into her own. I doubt she'd settle, but that's because I'd doubt she'll get over her insecurities enough to make any moves :P

  4. Aww, poor Si' Enya. I'm sure she'll find love one day soon. People hardly ever marries their first.

  5. Coolkat, you're right, however I just noticed that in my hood, most of the adults have married their first loves-so Si'Enya doesn't have much of an example in that area :\


Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment! :)

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