Monday, April 28, 2014

Enemy in Combat, part 2, 2017

Lovar, spring, 2017
Verde is 30, Lainey is 30, Esperanza is 5, Carmela is 57

Optional Soundtrack: Happy-Leona Lewis

narrated by Lainey

Verde didn't take the news of the divorce the way I envisioned. I knew that he wouldn't be happy, but I thought he would say ok. The way he always does, without a fight. That man is full of surprises. Just when I thought that he didn't care and that he was ready to throw the towel in, he surprises me.

Apparently he's been going to counseling. Couples counseling. Alone. He said that anytime I want to come, I'm welcome to come. I'm not sure what they talk about but he's trying really hard to win me back...yet he's not trying at all. He's not forcing me to go to counseling and he's not bowing to my every whim and desire either.

We went out on a date to celebrate Valentine's Day and my birthday, Carmela gladly took Esperanza to see a movie so we could get ready in peace. Before they left, there was singing and cake and a few gifts. My daughter made a necklace from macoroni and Verde gave me a book, The Complete History of the Elite. After they left for the movie, we dressed and left the house. 

First we walked to the new jewelry store. I laughed internally thinking that he planned on wooing me back with diamonds.

Instead we browsed around the shop and he picked up a small bracelet for his mother.

On the way out of the store, he stopped and ran his fingers across my chin. I couldn't stop myself from smiling. 

"You look amazing," he said before taking my hand in his and leading me out the door.

It's moments like these that make me reconsider. Verde is a good man. I love him. He's a great father. So what's the problem? Why can't we just work through this?

We went to "The Sip", a new wine bar and tapas place. I've been wanting to go there since the doors opened, but there was always a line and it seemed impossible to get in. Apparently, Verde pulled some strings and got a reservation.

We had a perfect seat outside and the weather was warm but not uncomfortable. The kind of perfect weather that happens only three times a simlonic year.

When he reached across the table, my hand intertwined with his out of habit. 

Some days I feel more confident of my decision than others. Those are the days that I remember how he looked at S'Ahmisa as compared to how he looked at me. 

How perhaps we should have never gotten married to begin with. 

How maybe I compromised too much. I knew that I have to chose what I win or lose, but maybe I shouldn't have chosen Verde.

A part of me still loves him or at least I care for him. He's the father of my daughter, how could I not. He's tried so hard to make me feel secure in his love.

S'Ahmisa is a part of the past. I see him look at me not quite the same way he looked at her, but his look when he sees seems like so much more than she ever had. 

Some days I don't think I am in love with him. But what if I make a mistake. What if he is the one. 

The only one? 

A lot of people will be affected by what I decide. My daughter will grow up going between two homes, two lives, two families. I'll have to enter the dating scene again and attempt trying to find a new partner as a single mother.

Maybe I should not rush ahead with this. But then again, it's always been there. 

Since our wedding day. I knew that my choice came with a price. 

My happiness was a fragile house of cards.

Knowing that I wasn't his first choice, but that he was mine. Perhaps that was it. 

He wasn't my first choice either, 

he was my only choice.

I didn't want to be alone and now what am I doing? Running away so that I can be alone.

But why is he making it so hard. Ok, that's not fair. He's not making it hard. Maybe it really is me...maybe I should try this counseling thing...

This is so hard.

So what if it hurts me, so what if I break down. So what if this world throws me off the edge and my feet run out of ground. I have to find my place, feel my sound. I don't care about the pain all around me. 

I just want to be happy.
Happy by Leona Lewis was also the soundtrack to Verde and Lainey's wedding and I found it fitting for this piece as well.


  1. Lainey seems very confused. I wonder if maybe she needs some time apart from Verde. Not necessarily a break-up or an official separation but just some time to herself so she can figure out if she still wants Verde in her life.

    1. That's an interesting proposition. I could see Verde going along with her having a solo vacation or visiting home. I might see if I can squeeze that in for them, thanks for reading and commenting

  2. I agree that maybe some time apart might help Lainey figure out what she really wants. Just a day or two could be enough for her to get things straight in her head, it does seem like she's in two minds about this. Verde's approach to it all is interesting, not putting any pressure on Lainey to do anything, but still making it clear that he doesn't want to lose her. Since they've been through so much as a couple I want them to work things out, but it looks like they still need to decide what will be best for them and their family.

    1. Verde knows that he can't force her to stay but he also knows that he's not responsible for her happiness nor is the battle that she's fighting with him. It's tough for him, but thanks to the counseling he's prepared if she leaves or if she stays. Thanks for reading and commenting

  3. How hard for Verde, that Lainey doesn't really know what she wants. It would be hard to hear that someone doesn't want to be apart of the family anymore, but they weren't sure why. It was nice seeing them together, and enjoying themselves. I do hope that she comes around, I like the idea of her visiting home, or a vacation alone, help her figure herself out.

    1. Lainey is very confused right now, Verde is actually being the wise one and staying out of her way as she struggles to figure things out. Thanks for reading and commenting

  4. Aww, Lainey seems so confused. I hope she is able to figure out what she wants and what will make her happy. I enjoyed seeing their date at The Sip. The lot looks so cute and I love the wine/tapa theme!!

    1. Thank you, The Sip was inspired by some photos on tumblr. Thanks for reading and commenting

  5. Seeing her fighting herself must be so difficult for Verde. Just when they've settled into a routine and things are looking up, all her emotions come to a head and threaten their family. I agree that she needs a solo vacation. Like a week or two. That shoudl be enough to clear her head and help her come to a decision that she can live with, whether it's to go or to stay.

    1. It seems like there are enough votes that I need to fire up my game and send her somewhere :) I have an idea so we shall see. Thanks for reading and commenting


Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment! :)

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