I'm Not Loving You, 2009

Givar, winter, 2009
Benjamin Endeavor and Rashid Cunningham are 23, Verde Herendez is 22 (Ming Wuu is 23 , Lainey Lorde and S'Ahmisa Warwick are 22)
 
Optional Soundtrack: Robin Thicke - I'm Not Loving You
 

It's been about four simlonic months since graduation and since Verde joined Benjamin and Rashid in their apartment. The young men had to move to another larger place with an extra bedroom to accommodate their new roommate

and things had been going well so far...especially if you consider silly dancing in the living room an indication of how well things were going.

Benjamin had finally scored an audition with the Llamas, SimCity's minor league basketball team.

He was enjoying finally being on a professional basketball team and being able to quit his part-time teaching job.

He couldn't help but smile as he thought about how his old coach wouldn't allow him more playtime and how it prompted his move to Apple Valley.

Now he was a professional athlete living in a luxury apartment, imagine that! Now he just needed to get in more playtime and off the bench so that his name would end up in the papers and he would get an endorsement deal and make billions of simoleans before retiring with several beach homes and dozens of sexy women to warm his bed. He knew that he should be thinking realistically, so he only planned on making millions of simoleans and one vacation home and he could settle for four sexy women.

Rashid had started his master's program and was spending most of his time studying for classes. It wasn't a lot of studying since he was able to spend only a couple of hours working on something that his classmates spent days working on, however he didn't tell them that.

When he wasn't working on school projects or testing games, he was spending time with S'Ahmisa. They would often spend time in the pool and then take a break for a snack and some gameplay. He appreciated that she played games with him. She would still pretend to be excited about playing, but not as often.

Rashid couldn't help wondering if maybe Tyisha was right, maybe he was changing a lot due to S'Ahmisa. He had always thought that it was a good thing and his parents were loving the "new Rashid" who was obtaining his master's degree and working with a real live game production company. However, sometimes he just wanted to goof off and spend all day in his PJs playing video games...for fun, not looking out for bugs or testing the usability of the controls or something like that.

His job came with perks though, he was able to bring home the latest in gaming equiptment to test it out and he also got advance copies of games to share with friends. He mostly sent the games to S'Ahmisa's mother, Sandy. She especially liked the pirates game or the mafia game and he was hoping to buy her the limited edition set of the game once they worked all the bugs out of it.

Lately S'Ahmisa seemed a bit distant, ever since Tyisha had arrived for university. Rashid thought that she might be jealous but jealously wasn't something S'Ahmisa did easily...at least she didn't used to. When she was in Simmington Hills, she had kissed him after that big blowup with Tyisha and she seemed so calm and zen about everything, but now...now it seemed like she was a bit jealous whenever he talked about Tyisha.

Maybe it was her workload, after all she was doing her own master's program in addition to running the hood council and acting as Apple Valley's assemblywoman. She insisted that things were fine and that she could handle it all. He doubted it and he hated how she was drinking more of those caffeinated drinks.

He wished that she would slow down and enjoy life instead of chasing after her career, but he knew enough about S'Ahmisa to keep his mouth shut. Sometimes she would glare at him and make him feel like he was facing his angry mama. Sure S'Ahmisa was sweet...until you made her upset, which he made sure not to do too often...no matter how sexy she looked with her nose all scrunched up.

When he wasn't with S'Ahmisa, or testing video games for his job, Rashid focused on ignoring Verde's funky mood.

It was hard to ignore sometimes, especially when he would sigh loudly and mope around the house. Benjamin would roll his eyes and mumble, but Rashid couldn't take it anymore.

"If you miss her so much, why don't you do something about it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"All that sighing and shit, you got to quit that! You're like a whiny baby."

"Whatever, it's not like you lost a baby."

"No, but you're not whining about losing your child. You're mad that your girl dumped you and to be honest, I don't blame her. You're acting like a punk. Quit sniveling and either get your girl back or move on!"

Verde knew that Rashid was right. He couldn't concentrate lately, even while working out. Yea, he was upset about losing his child, what man wouldn't be upset. However the worse part was that he couldn't mourn with Lainey about it. He couldn't talk to her about the plans they made for their child. He couldn't cry with her as he found the pink onesie emblazed with "Daddy's Little Girl" in a shopping bag stuffed in his moving boxes.

His thoughts would often drift to daydreams of Lainey. Sometimes it was as if the world around him disappeared and she appeared. He could see her in the kitchen, watching him attempt broiled fish as she gently guided his actions. He could smell her, she smelled like hibicus and honey and the smell drove him wild.

He would imagine cuddled with her in bed, her soft hair brushing his face, her red lipstick and her smile. He would remember the softness of her skin beneath his hands and her purrs as she drifted off to sleep.

It was especially hard as they sometimes passed each other at work, she would be polite and wave and he would smile back, but...he wanted more than just her wave. He needed more than for her to just wave.

He took a chance one evening and called her at her apartment. She seemed wary, but agreed to come over to speak with him. He waited downstairs on the bench, anxious that she would change her mind and not come, but when he saw her walking towards him he jumped up. He felt wetness in his hands and realized that it was his sweat.

She looked great, she had changed her hairstyle and even started to dress differently. He wasted no time pouring on the compliments and caresses. "I miss you, Lainey."

"I miss you too, Verde."

"Can we...can you give me another chance?"

He watched as she bit her lip, her eyes glued to the floor, "I...I don't know. I...I...I have to go."

Verde watched as she ran out the door and his heart dropped. Instead of moping around as he usually did, he picked up his phone and called the one sim whom he could pour out his heart to, "Hey, S'Ahmisa...how are you?"

---

Verde had followed S'Ahmisa's advice to the letter, but he couldn't help but feel nervous as he stared at the velvet box. Lainey seemed pretty upset and unwilling to try again, but if he wanted her back, he knew that he'd have to take drastic measures to show her that he was very much willing to be committed to her and willing to make their relationship work.

He couldn't help but think of the raven-haired woman as he gazed at the glittery stone. If things had gone according to his plans, they would have had a small child with his bright green eyes and her mischievous smile. Perhaps they would be expecting  another child...or two by now as well. He wanted that family, those lazy afternoons in bed and that woman. He wished that he could spend his mornings running his hands through her hair. He had gotten hooked to the idea, to the notion, that they would always be together.

It was strange not being with her, he always thought that she would always be there, maybe he was just used to the idea...to the notion that she would always be here with him, by his side. Now that she wasn't...he was afraid. He didn't like not loving her and her not loving him. He missed running his hands through her hair, watching her eyes close in pleasure and her smile light up the room. He didn't want to be alone in life, he did want to get married and have children. He tried to lock away the images of the charismatic woman and bury the sounds of her laughter and the fun that they shared.

If he was honest, he hadn't regained that joy that he lost that faithful day. It was ingrained in his memory like the carvings in the stone simoian head.

He couldn't forget how on that faithful day, he was forced to let go of a dream that he had built so carefully in his head. How it all came crashing down around him, how he bitterly tried not to show any emotion despite the intense pain he felt.

He knew that there wasn't another woman that could take her place. He could feel his heart ache in anticipation of the pain of not sharing his life with her, his heart already in torment of experiencing the pain of already not sharing his life with her. He was afraid...taking this step meant that...that he had to give up that dream, to properly mourn and grieve over his loss...to give her up, to let her be, to let her love freely and to allow himself to love freely.

He wanted to love her freely, to love her smooth tanned skin, her dark hair and her bright smile. Even now, he wished that he was with her, so that he could run his hands through her hair. He couldn't help but always think of her, to remember her love for him and how it wrapped around him.

He wanted to love freely.

---
Curious, after listening to the soundtrack, whom do you think Verde is referring to as "not loving"? Lainey or S'Ahmisa?

For spoiler notes, highlight below:No, Verde didn't roll the want to get married. He's been wanting to interact more with S'Ahmisa and Lainey though. So I took it as he wanted to reconcile with Lainey, but he is still holding on to the dream of S'Ahmisa. I knew that Lainey wouldn't consider taking him back since in her mind, he never wanted a long-term committment, especially with the pregnancy and almost four simyears of dating without an engagement ring. Unfortunately, you don't always marry your first love, or your great love. Even worse is when you have to see your great love pursue love with another and always wonder about the could-haves and would-ofs.