It Kills Me, 2009

Givar, winter, 2009

Benjamin Endeavor and Rashid Cunningham are 23, Verde Herendez is 22 (Ming Wuu is 23 , Lainey Lorde and S'Ahmisa Warwick are 22)


Optional Soundtrack: It Kills Me-Melanie Fiona

"You look amazing," Verde gushed after they placed their orders.

"Thank you, so do you," she answered dusting a piece of lint off of her dress, the same dress that S'Ahmisa picked out for her to wear today.

S'Ahmisa was one of the sims she was closest to, yet she knew that she could never be a true friend to the woman. It wasn't that she was a horrible sim, S'Ahmisa was like one of those popular girls in school that sims fluttered around, yet they were nice to every student unlike the shallow women who needed to insult others to feel better about themselves.

Lainey wouldn't mind being S'Ahmisa's friend, but Verde made that impossible. It killed her to know how much he was still not over her. His eyes changed whenever the woman walked into the room and the worse part was that she knew that S'Ahmisa was aware of it as well. Lainey would see how awkward S'Ahmisa would become when Verde was around and how she would quickly say hello, or avoid being anywhere alone with Verde, in fact she would often put him on speakerphone whenever he called.

"Sparkling nectar?" He asked, ordering two glasses as their meals arrived.

"Thanks, what's the special occasion?"

"Anytime I'm with you is a special occasion."

Lainey laughed. She hated herself for being here. She hated that she was so weak. She hated that she needed him so much, but the truth was that she she hated to be alone. She didn't like waking up in bed by herself, she didn't want to envision life without a partner. Leaving him simlonic months ago was the hardest thing she had ever done and even now she knew that it was the grief that caused her to leave.

She spent most of her life alone, surrounded by sims, but not truly loved and cherished. She never wanted to be alone, just the thought terrified her and caused her to breath rapidly, trying to fill her lungs with air, as if the fear would choke her. At least with Verde she knew that he loved her, even if he loved another woman more.

"Too much?" Verde asked.

"Just a little." She said smiling. It felt good to be with him again. She hated that it felt so good, that she craved this man and these feelings that she experienced when he looked at her.

She knew that something big was coming up. S'Ahmisa and Ming interrogated her about her favorite metals and jewels and dragged her to the jewelry store to just browse for rings. She wasn't dumb or blind, but she pretended to not know what was going on. She continued to pretend when S'Ahmisa helped her get dressed today and when Ming offered her a pair of earrings.

She knew exactly what she would say. Yes, she loved Verde, more than she should probably love a man, but there were things about him that she couldn't stand, that she couldn't accept. Part of her wanted to get up and walk out of the restaurant, to leave him in a state of shock, but the other part...damn that other part of her that melted when his fingers caressed her hand.

"How about a walk? Do you want to take a walk?"

"Sure, a walk would be nice."

Verde led the woman to a nice small park with a great view of Lady Starr, he wanted everything to be perfect as he held her hands and gazed in her eyes.

Lainey glanced at the ground, she didn't want to look into his eyes for she knew that she would be lost if she looked into his eyes, if he saw how she truly felt. How her love for him shattered her heart and filled her with so much hope, joy and empty sorrow.

"You look amazing...you are amazing."

"Thank you, Verde." Lainey breathed as her knees weakened. When he wanted to lay on the charm, he certainly knew how to do just that.

"Lainey!!!"

Verde groaned as Krissy came running to the couple. Lainey smiled, thankful for the interruption. He had felt her resolve slipping and her ultimate plan cracking under the gentle pressure of his lips on her skin.

Verde was annoyed and before he could even think about how she was ruining the moment, a drop of water hit his head. Great, now it's raining.

"It's ok, it's not raining that hard." Lainey said.

Verde was surprised, he didn't realize that he had said that out loud or that Krissy had finally left the couple alone.

"I know, it's just...well...I wanted everything to be perfect."

"For what?" Lainey asked taking a cautious step backwards. She knew that the moment had arrived and it was her turn to play her part.

She held her breath as Verde fell to one knee. She knew that his lips were moving, but she couldn't understand the words. She was still in awe that he had finally come to this point and hadn't backed away.

She heard his hurried question, "Will you marry me? I know I'm not perfect, but with you, my life would be."

When he opened the box, her mouth dropped. She had been expecting the ring that Verde had gotten for S'Ahmisa simyears earlier. That ring with the center pink diamond cushioned on a bed of smaller diamonds. She had been prepared to insult him when he offered her the recycled ring.

She didn't expect what she saw nestled in the tiny box. The dark blue jewel winked at her and the diamonds that surrounded it were so much larger than anything she had ever seen. It was far better than anything she could imagine, but it also seemed strangely familiar.

"Oh! You...you remembered?" She whispered as tears filled her eyes. She picked up the ring and held it to the light. The memories came to her quickly. They were freshmen and newly dating. It was during their spring break trip when they had passed by a little shop with jewelry. She remembered falling in love with that ring, slipping it on her finger and admiring it in the light. The jewels were a lot smaller on that ring, nothing like the heavy stones that weighed this ring down.

"They personally shipped it for me. I...I hope you like it."

Lainey looked at him with tears in her eyes, it was over and she knew it. She loved this man and even if it killed her, she would always love the man that knelt before her.

"Will you marry me?" Verde asked again, waiting as the emotions washed over her face.

"Yes...yes, I will marry you."

After calling friends and family members, Verde took his new fiance to a romantic evening in the local hotel.

Lainey looked at her new ring again and felt content with her decision. Another woman, one whom Lainey reasoned was smarter and stronger than her, would not be wearing the ring. They would be standing confidently and full of painful joy with the decision that they refused to be second in their lover's life and instead chose to be alone. They would wait hopefully for the sim that would love them above all others, a sim that didn't have ghosts of past loves haunting their minds. They would claim that their honor and dignity were worth more than the flawed loved that was offered to them. But they were not Lainey.

She knew that when Verde touched her, sometimes he wasn't touching her and when he kissed her, she knew that sometimes the face of another filled his eyes. She knew that he would always sometimes hesitate before saying her name, fearful of calling her by the name of another. He loved her imperfectly, but then again, was there really a couple that could say they loved each other perfectly, never causing hurt and pain? She knew all of that and she still chose to be with him. Lainey was secure in her choice, it wasn't the choice that mothers tell their little girls at the end of fairy tales, or that fathers desire for their little ones, but it was her choice and hers alone to make. She rather be with Verde and all the pain that was a part of that choice, since the pain of being imperfectly loved would be far less than the pain of being alone, the pain of being without him, of not loving him.



It wasn't the popular choice, and maybe it wasn't the right choice, but it was her choice.

---
The Herendez wedding is set for Fall 2010.

Yes, for those that noticed it, Lainey and S'Ahmisa do look similar and it's not by accident that Verde is in love with Lainey, he definitely has a type that he falls for